Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Friends, Romans, countrymen lend me your parsers!

Gone are the days my friends, when computers were the sole ejaculators of error messages. People around me have started talking in errors, warnings and exceptions. This development was embodied in one of my friend’s words when he said, “It is not enough if you hear people. You have to parse what they say to understand them.” This was when I realized William Shakespeare could have done better with his Julius Caesar. I also realized I had some catching up to do with recent trends. So, the next day I woke up and decided to become ‘Hari the human compiler’ and parse what people say.

MOM: Hari! Can you please come here and help me with this thing.
ME: Request cannot be processed as issued. Variable ‘thing’ needs to be initialized before first use.

Come on. I couldn’t see her from where I was.

MOM: Hari! Can you run to the neighbor’s and get me my umbrella. I left it there yesterday.
ME: Unable to comply. Pointer ‘there’ points to a location that is not accessible.

Their house was locked. What do I do?

Intoxicated by my effects I decided to ‘extend’ my exploits into the object oriented paradigm.

BRUTUS*: How many runs did Sachin make?
ME: Caught NoSuchObjectException for Sachin.runs: He didn’t play today.
BRUTUS(catching hold of my collar): Stop parsing away like this or I’ll make sure you pass away!

And that was one time too many!

The man with the weird hair asked, “Been there? Done that thing?”

I just said yes.

* Name changed for the sake of author’s safety.

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