Sunday, November 27, 2005

An interview with God

The almighty God, for the first time, agreed for an interview under the following conditions.

o The interview is not to be published in any saleable material like a newspaper, but must be available for free to all through a blog.

o The name of the reporter who conducted this interview and his method of contact with God must not be revealed.

So I’ll just call him Secrep, for secret reporter. Secrep made use of this chance to ask some of the questions that has been plaguing humanity for eons. Here is what took place:

Secrep: As a character, are you normal and boring or weird and cranky?

God: These are all extremely relative terms, so there can’t be an absolute answer. Just for the record, I created Michael Jackson and the flabby man who streaks during Tennis matches.

Secrep: If you really are all that infinite and almighty, then why create a being as cunning and crooked as a human being?

God: Such a being is necessary in order to control the unsteady and dynamic environment of the world he lives in.

Secrep: Why is there so little life and matter and so much empty space?

God: (begins to get a bit animated here!) For all those strange theories, fantasies and science fiction you come with and all the movies Spielberg makes it is really worth it!

Secrep: Really! So what kind of movies do you like?

God: Look. It doesn’t work that way. People watch movies. I watch people

Secrep: Then what kind of people do you like?

God: All people are equal in front of me. Come on, I created all of you guys!

Secrep: So you’re saying a terrorist and a saint are the same to you.

God: Very much! Each one of you is created to fulfill a role in the upkeep of the world. Your desires, beliefs and capabilities are in keeping with that role. Each person acts according to these. Some may seem pleasant and others unpleasant to you. But all are equally important to me to keep this thing going.

Secrep: Any tips for the average human being?

God: (erupting) Boy oh boy! Volumes of religious books, So many dozens of prophets and still I’m facing this question! Don’t you have enough code to go by and manage already?

Secrep: That’s okay, but anything at all to add/emphasize here?

God: (sounding bored) Ah, nothing new actually. It’s just what I’ve been saying all along. Just don’t worry and be happy. Everything on the earth happens for the good. If something good that you expect doesn’t happen, it’s to allow for some greater good. So just chill!

Secrep: Then, what’s the deal with all the Tsunamis, earthquakes and hurricanes?

God: Here comes the part that most of you have difficulty in understanding. Believe me when I say, I didn’t create any of them. It’s merely the functioning of a system that balances itself.

Secrep: Is that also for greater good?

God: Most definitely yes. Believe me there are people who have figured this out for themselves. And anyone who probes for the truth deeply enough can find it.

Secrep: Well, can’t there be a better way?

God: That’s a question you must ask yourself.

Secrep: Given a chance would you be a man?

God: Hell yea! Oops I am not supposed to use such words, am I? Could you please not put that on print?

Secrep: You can count on it! What is better Coke or Pepsi?

God: If you ask me, Tropicana.

Secrep: Do people really have a choice or is our fate predetermined?

God: Given a choice what would you choose?

Secrep:Well that depends on the person.

God: So does this!

Secrep: If all are equal before you, then why is life so unfair?

God: Life is never fair for anybody. Sometimes it is favourably unfair and sometimes it’s unfavourably unfair. So it evens out.

Secrep: But some people keep suffering from birth to death.

God: If you think birth is the beginning and death is the end you are mistaken.

Secrep: What happens after death?

God: You will know when the time comes.

Secrep: Why don’t you explain to us now?

God: You know what? Why don’t you explain sex positions to second graders next time they ask where they came from?

Secrep: What came first; the chicken or it’s egg?

God: The Chicken

Secrep: Kindly Explain.

God: (erupting again) Gosh do I have to say everything? Evolution people! The first chicken came out of the egg of a bird which belonged to a different species. The new bird was a chicken though its parents were not, because it was genetically a mutant; a variant which survived because it turned out to be better adapted. It layed the first Chicken’s egg. Now this is something you guys already figured out!

Secrep: Microbes, Dinosaurs, People… Are you thinking up of more fun-do stuff for the future?

God: You, ain’t seen nothin’ yet!

If you have any questions you want to ask God post them right here. If Secrep happens to meet God again, he can forward your questions to him!


Bharath Hariharan said...

Nice stuff man.....sure was funny :-)

pk said...

dude .. can i be the next secrep? .. lol

Anonymous said...

SHENS!!! God doesn't talk to people! THis is MADE UP!!!11oneoneone!!

Harris Totle said...

2 bharath: Thanks man!
2 pk: Indirectly yes! Just post your questions right here!
2 anonymous: Well, whadyu know!

Anonymous said...

Lol....That was amazing; really funny. My (bad) day got a little better!
Ive got a ques for secrep...was God male or female???

Cne said...

I just want to know why God was talking so much sense. I have Her (ya..its a SHE) pictured in my mind as a 'Master of Puppets' wearing her best dress and controlling us as per Her whims and fancies....
And as anyone knows...u can't talk much sense with a gal.
So, I guess ur interview has some serious logical defects...Please think of rewriting...

Anonymous said...

Hey there..this was good.